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It has all gone to sh*t
Thursday, 3 August 2023 17:56I'm probably not in my best mindset right now.
After all that thing with Menina's eye and the surgery, and the collar/cone and ulcers, Menina is now on the road to dying.
Objectively I know this issue now has nothing to do with the eye. But the timing of it is indeed pretty bad and I cannot divorce from the thought that the surgery and eye ulcer thing somehow exacerbated this issue.
So before the issue with the eye, before the surgery, really, just before the issue with the eye, Menina had a seizure. That was concluded to be because of her low blood sugar levels. But other than that, she had a pretty good full panel blood test result.
Tuesday night overnight she was totally not herself. She was obviously tired but refused to sleep, walking around and around in the apartment. She would hit a wall and then just stand there like a broken robot, and then start screaming because she can't proceed through the wall. Then she seized at around 5am Wednesday morning, and we rushed her to the vet.
She's since had 4 more seizures and now is constantly seizing when off the calming drip, I point blank asked the vet if it would be better to just let her sleep and he agreed.
Again, I know what is rational thinking and what is not, but I can't help but be irrational right this moment. HE PROMISED ME 2 MORE YEARS. I now just can't stop blaming myself, if I said no to removing the tumor 3 weeks ago, then we wouldn't be here today.
I'm now hoping to keep her on the drip at least until Sunday when the parents are back, so at least if we do have to let her go, everyone can see her one last time. I'm visiting her once a day every day, and twice if I can make it during lunch as well, but it's bad. She's just constantly on the calming drip so she doesn't know I'm there.
I know that since she's 20 that the end would come sooner or later but I just can't stop the tears, damn it!
After all that thing with Menina's eye and the surgery, and the collar/cone and ulcers, Menina is now on the road to dying.
Objectively I know this issue now has nothing to do with the eye. But the timing of it is indeed pretty bad and I cannot divorce from the thought that the surgery and eye ulcer thing somehow exacerbated this issue.
So before the issue with the eye, before the surgery, really, just before the issue with the eye, Menina had a seizure. That was concluded to be because of her low blood sugar levels. But other than that, she had a pretty good full panel blood test result.
Tuesday night overnight she was totally not herself. She was obviously tired but refused to sleep, walking around and around in the apartment. She would hit a wall and then just stand there like a broken robot, and then start screaming because she can't proceed through the wall. Then she seized at around 5am Wednesday morning, and we rushed her to the vet.
She's since had 4 more seizures and now is constantly seizing when off the calming drip, I point blank asked the vet if it would be better to just let her sleep and he agreed.
Again, I know what is rational thinking and what is not, but I can't help but be irrational right this moment. HE PROMISED ME 2 MORE YEARS. I now just can't stop blaming myself, if I said no to removing the tumor 3 weeks ago, then we wouldn't be here today.
I'm now hoping to keep her on the drip at least until Sunday when the parents are back, so at least if we do have to let her go, everyone can see her one last time. I'm visiting her once a day every day, and twice if I can make it during lunch as well, but it's bad. She's just constantly on the calming drip so she doesn't know I'm there.
I know that since she's 20 that the end would come sooner or later but I just can't stop the tears, damn it!
