elusivek | Oh boy (Reply)

Oh boy. Imagine going to bed thinking all is well then waking up to an LJ message from a friend you always thought was cool and pretty mature (because of certain life circumstances) berating you for a few things, but seemingly specifically, the trigger, was for a word I used in a post. And then promptly not just unfriended, but possibly blocked or something, because I couldn't even send a reply. Geez.

I've already deleted the message, because, why keep an eyesore, but I'd still like to address a few things that was berated about me.

1. The use of the word "spinster".
If there's a secondary, underlying, no-good meaning to this word, then I'm sorry for using it. But as I learned the English language, this is the word for an unmarried woman who's past the usual marriage age. Does it have a derogatory meaning? I am not aware. Somewhere in their diatribe, they kept saying about "me and my sis still living with mom and not married." And saying "spinster" is such an antiquated word. Were they annoyed that I seemed to be using the word spinster to for others? You know what? I'm 40, my sis is 44. We are both very well on the way to being considered as spinsters in less than 20 years time. The context of using that word was to explain the situation of why my Mom was so insistent of including a friend, who wasn't married, is 80-something years old, and has not many family members that take her out.

2. I claim to be "well adjusted", but I'm just childish.
I will still claim to be well adjusted in the life experience that I have lived in this small city. I'm a functioning member of society, pay taxes, do not steal, do not cheat, pay my bills on time. Heck, go to the Identity Service Department and get a Criminal Record sheet on me and it's empty. Yep. I don't even have a parking ticket. I'd say I'm well adjusted.

As for childish. WHEN have I ever claimed I'm not childish? I'm the eptinome of childish.

3. I'm still living with the parents so I have a problem (or something along those lines)
I thought about this one and while they do have merit addressing this, but it's still part of my circumstance.
Number one: I am not living in the US. I know, in the US, the thing is to kick your kids out at 16 or 18 or whatnot. This is Asia. Culturally, kicking your kids out is not a thing. In fact, to us, the Americans are heartless for kicking their kids out. If you want your kids out, why have kids in the first place?

Before I go further, can I just make it clear I hold no ill contempt to the US people. I'm just trying to explain how I am understanding this..... thing or whatever this person is berating of me.

Number two: I've written about it multiple times before, and I'll write about it again. Yes. I earn well enough to be able to live the life I want, go on the vacations i want, splurge here and there. No, I do not earn well enough to be able to afford my own apartment or whatever form of living abode. (Here's to using antiquated words!). If I maybe get married, and my partner earns the same amount as I do, then maybe, I would be able to afford an apartment that's half the size of my parent's place and pay the mortgage for the next 40 years.

Did I say somewhere I'm 40? So in 40 years, I'd possibly be dead. Nah. I'll continue to stay at home.

Number three: which is really the real shining reason: The dogs. If I were to move out, can I bring the dogs with me? Very likely no, rentals don't allow pets. Even if I could, the parents would reject the idea. The thought that "they love the pets more than they love me" seems to hold true (I say that in jest of course). And can I just leave the pets with the parents? No, because they can't physically care of the dogs. The Frenchie can easily overpower Mom. The Mutt is now not-mobile and neither Mom nor Dad are able to physically carry him for his potty and walking practice/muscle training.

So yeah. I'm still living with the parents.

Have I ever lived apart from my parents? Yes. Even though it was short, I did spend 3 months in Europe. Two in Lisbon doing an internship and one in Austria while Sis was out there in her 7-year abroad stint. Do I continuously go on holidays without the parents, and am able to handle myself without calling home for help? Not once did I ever call them for help. Have the parents gone on prolonged holidays and left us alone for months on end? Yes, and wow, in one of these "left alone" trips, I got appendicitis, got hospitalized, went under the knife, came out, all alone and have I bemoaned my misfortune? Not one word. I believe I'm capable of living apart from the parents given the chance.

I hate to be stereotypical, but right this moment, this person's... act of "imposing their cultural norms and using those to judge me" is just so.... stereotypically American.

And yes, I'm childish for "talking back and trying to justify," but heeeeeyyyyyyyy I believe, in American, this is called "Standing up for yourself!"

*** I mean no disrespect to anyone of any nationality and cultural background. I'm just particularly annoyed and hurt at the sudden harsh monologue diatribe I received. Their whole, "this is how I think, I think in the way that I like to think, so I am right and you are wrong, so I cannot be friends with you anymore." I'm like, chill man.

If I want to be mean, I could be mean and I had wanted to write something about their being so sensitive to the word spinster. But I'll be nice and refrain. But trust me, it's implied.